she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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