i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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