We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
