I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
