he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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