I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
