he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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