i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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