you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
