Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize