I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
