there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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