I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
