Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
