Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Randomize
