he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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