hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
