vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
