I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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