i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
