Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
