if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize