i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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