I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize