It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
