Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
