U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
