I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
