you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We talked him into tasing himself.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
