Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
