Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
