im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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