I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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