So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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