And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
