Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is Oprah even human
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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