I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
