I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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