my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
