She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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