No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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