The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
