The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
