So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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