i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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