Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize