i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I need water and some morals
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
