wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
