Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize