This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize