Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We were destined to go to rehab together
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
