I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
