My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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