In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
