i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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