can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
