If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
