my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
