Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
