just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize