i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
